I Used to Be Strong
by darandomninja
Summary: An inside look into America's thoughts as he told Japan the "truth". Not the insanity-controlled thoughts, but the small piece of humanity left in him, before it was overpowered by madness. Based on Seven Little Killers by Lucky-Angel135: Chapter 28.


_Word Count: 931_

_Summary:America's thoughts- not the insane part, but the tiny piece of humanity left in him- as he finally reveals his "true" identity to his one love, Japan._

*** WARNING! SPOILER ALERT* Heavily based on chapter 28 of Lucky-Angel135's story Seven Little Killers. Do not read unless you don't mind spoilers. But again, if you do read it, it will ruin the awesomeness of Lucky and Angel's story. As a fellow reader, I implore you not to read unless you are up to date with their story.**

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"Yup! That's me! Killer extraordinaire!" I laughed, watching Japan's reaction as I revealed to him my "secret" identity.

His look of disbelief as he trembled, fat tears rapidly rolling down his face tugged at the last bit of my sanity; the small part I had left. After all, no one who would kill innocent people and nations would be expected to have any sense in his brain.

_Seems just like yesterday, you were a part of me. . . _

Involuntarily, my arms slightly moved upwards, as if it wanted to give Japan a big bear hug as I whisper into his ear the truth. But it was my idea to act Canada's part and as the hero, I had to follow it through.

I knew from his look that he wanted to know why. Honestly, I would like to know too. Was it my foolish heroic pride? By duty as Canada's brother? Because I was insane from the start? I don't know. Where did it all start? Was it during World War Two, when I realized that my efforts to help everyone would be in vain? Did I gradually become crazy after my revolution, when I saw England weeping in the rain, his soldiers alert for any sign of attack? Or was it when I came into the world; was I just mentally imbalanced from the beginning?

I had to continue on with the act, so I slightly tilted my head, forcing a sly half-smile on my face.

"Now don't look at me like that, I thought it was pretty obvious from the beginning. I mean, why do you think Reynolds hit me?" I almost choked at disgust at mentioning that bastard's name. "Well, if you're not going to talk, this isn't going to be much fun at all."

_This isn't fun either way, _I thought as I spouted some explanation as to why I'm like this. True, what I was saying was true. I always try to be the hero, to help everyone, but no one cares; they hate me instead. No matter what I do, it seems to offend or hurt the other.

_And Japan's no different._ My anger was turned towards the Asian nation as memories of the bombing of Pearl Harbor being conjured in my mind. The screams of the unlucky navy soldiers, trapped in a metal cage. My desperate attempts to free them. My despaired cries as I failed as the hero to my country, to my people.

_I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong. . ._

How?" was the second unformed question Japan was able to voice.

"Well, first I had to get rid of Reynolds. That bastard was in the way from the beginning, sitting too high up on his pedestal to come down and have a chat with the rest of humanity. That's where you came in. I simply played the innocent victim card, and you were ready to save me," I explained with much distaste.

"So, you used me. You were using me from the beginning."Japan clutched his pained chest, tugging my at my immense guilt.

_Those moments we shared weren't lies! I wanted to use you at first, before I fell in love with you! I still love you! Please believe me! _I wanted to scream my thoughts out, wanted Japan to know my true feelings, what I was really thinking. I wanted him to know I loved the times we spent together, when we would watch movies together, go on dates, and act as if there were no crazed killers out to slaughter everyone.

_Your arms around me tight. Everything, it felt so right. Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong. . ._

"Yes," I confirmed, trying to keep my voice emotionless and level as possible. "My plan was simple. I killed all my states, save for a few the other Lovelies were so kind in taking care of for me."

At the mention of my dead states, my mind went on auto-pilot, allowing most of my insanity to take over. I explained the rest of my plan with personality and cruelty in order to keep everyone fooled; that I was really the killer.

_No, I can't breathe. I'm barely hanging on. . . _

But as I tortured Japan, forcing him to break his fingers for each life he would like to save, I felt the wind get knocked out of me. My heart was breaking, as if the largest earthquake recorded was tearing my heart into asymmetrical pieces. My bottom lip slightly quivered, my body wanting to wince at the sound of Japan's fingers being crushed, his screams of pain,

My brain did a complete shut down, the last of my sanity being engulfed by the overpowering insanity. A psychotic grin dominated my facial features as I began to start my role as a killer, one without being biddled with restraining emotions.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
_

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_Author notes:~

Sorry if this was a badly-written story. I got this plot bunny when listening to 'Behind these Hazel Eyes' by Kelly Clarkson. I tried to ignore it, but it was inevitable; I couldn't concentrate writing my very important English essay while this got into my head. So basically, I wrote this just so I can concentrate on my homework, but I'm glad I wrote it none-the-less. :D

If you want to rewrite and continue this oneshot, be my guest. Just look at the lyrics and compare it to America's and Japan's relationship in Seven Little Killers. I can guarantee you there is an obvious connection. Now if you'll excuse me, I shall go back to writing my essay. Tip for anyone who cares: being practically sleep-deprived is not a good idea and will not help/benefit you in any way. Please get adequate sleep to avoid becoming in my exhausted state.

Don't forget to Review and all that stuff. Hope you liked it.


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